This is the first in the MyCareSpace series titled "NOW WHAT?" which is aimed at helping people who have just recevied a diagnosis and are unsure of what to do next.
The following article written for MyCareSpace by Jillian Shapiro (Master of Educational & Developmental Psychology) is intended to be a practical, what-to-do-now reference for families of children who have just received a diagnosis of ADHD. It can be a whirlwind of a time and our hope is that this brings a sense of order and purpose to the weeks that follow.
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Hug your child. Play with her. Rediscover all the things you love about him.
You may be feeling quite frustrated because the diagnostic process made you focus on what your child can’t do, worried for the future, or even some shame over not managing things that well. Your child may be picking up on that disconnect, particularly if they’ve experienced a lot of conflict or rejection in the past. To borrow a term from the wonderful book The Self-Driven Child, your first priority is to become their ‘safe base’ again, where they feel unconditionally loved and understood. So set aside time to play. Discover all the wonderful things that make them an awesome kid. Things will be okay.
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Get to know ADHD.
You and your child need to team up and become experts in understanding the way an ADHD mind responds to the world and what it needs to thrive. Once you understand this, you’ll see why certain situations create predictable challenges and choose adjustments and strategies that make sense. And when your child understands their mind and knows how to help themselves, shame and stigma start to lift and empowerment takes their place.
I recommend reading/watching the following:
- Dr Liz Angoff has wonderful, free resources for Empowering Your ADHD Child that includes scripts for explaining ADHD to your child along with visuals and videos to build their confidence and understanding.
- Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents by Russell Barkley PhD. Dr Barkley also makes his lectures and parent talks available online for free, for example at this YouTube video.
- The documentary ADHD: Not Just for Kids has excellent explanations about how ADHD affects behaviour and, importantly, how it may change as your child gets older.
- How to ADHD YouTube channel is presented by a young woman with ADHD. Many have found her perspective to be helpful in understanding the experience through their loved ones’ eyes.
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Discuss – and re-discuss – your treatment options with your paediatrician.
It’s critical that you know what the science says is helpful – and not helpful – when it comes to supporting your child. There are many well-intentioned family members, friends, teachers, and ‘experts’ out there who claim that a certain computer program, diet or supplement is the missing piece to the puzzle. There is a strong temptation to try anything to make things better and then chop and change when you don’t see the improvements you are seeking. Instead, take note of all advice and bring it to your next meeting with your paediatrician to discuss how these options may support your child. Make informed choices as a team. Stick to regular follow-up appointments so they can help you monitor progress and work out when a change in strategy may be needed.
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Instead of implementing all general ‘ADHD strategies’ at once, start by building a list of situations and challenges that your child needs help with.
Prioritise. Very few kids need ALL the strategies at once and I can pretty much guarantee that if you provide your child’s teacher with a long list of ‘what to do for ADHD’, despite best intentions, very little will be implemented consistently over the long term. Working on high-priority challenges helps everyone focus their efforts and helps you monitor the situation until you have a sense of what works well. Once you know that, you have a great strategy to apply in other situations down the road. Looking at the specific situation also puts the focus on working out the actual problem, rather than assuming it’s an ‘ADHD-thing’. There may be other things going on that need support (for example, learning difficulties, anxiety, bullying). If you solely focus on applying ADHD strategies, you’re missing an important opportunity.
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Help your child advocate for themselves.
Self-advocacy builds confidence, dignity and a feeling of empowerment. Let her know that you’re a team and that you will work together to make the trickier situations a bit easier. Show your child respect and curiosity by asking them to help you understand what it is about that situation that is difficult for them, and invite them to help come up with ideas that work with their strengths, interests and wiring. Encourage strategies that your child can take on with increasing independence (e.g., checklists, technology, a script for asking a teacher for types of help) so they feel in control and competent. I highly recommend Dr Ross Greene’s Collaborative and Proactive Solutions approach for these purposes. His resources are available for free at Lives in the Balance.
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Find your anchor - seek support from a psychologist to help case manage and provide evidence-based support for the family, school and child.
An experienced psychologist will be your guide throughout this process. They will help identify your priorities, empower your child in the problem-solving process, identify what else might be contributing to the challenges and coach you and your team as you find your way forward. A good psychologist can mend divides between home and school when things have been tough. Let them be the ‘anchor’ that coordinates support across settings and professionals so that you do not have to be the messenger or juggle competing recommendations. This will keep you on course and, importantly, will take some stress off your plate.
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Develop a long-term support plan.
Once you develop your expertise and work out what kinds of strategies help your child at home and school, things may start to settle. However, it is important to realise that ADHD shows up in different ways as your child gets older and situations change. Aim to check-in with the team each term to monitor your child’s progress and catch emerging challenges early. Similarly, keep regular appointments with your paediatrician and psychologist so you can update them on any changes at home and school and enlist their support.
About the Author: Jillian Shapiro is a Psychologist and Founder of Shapiro Learning, a private practice that supports kids and teens who are struggling at school. She has a Masters in Educational & Developmental Psychology and over 15 years of experience in comprehensive assessments, evidence-based therapy, school advocacy, and support planning. She believes that a child is more than their diagnosis and that everyone deserves to understand themselves and ask for the help they need. She is the mother of two teenagers and knows, without a doubt, that everyone is doing the very best they can.
Another useful article by MyCareSpace on ADHD Was "ADHD:What, where, how and who?" for parents who may not yet know if their child has ADHD and don't even know where to start looking for help
[1] The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives by Strixrud and Johnson. Please note that this is not an ADHD focused book, but a book on parenting generally. The strategies discussed in this book may need to be modified for children with ADHD who require more support.
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