Dear Maia,

When your oldest brother Sam was born I remember thinking I wouldn’t have enough love to share with a second child.  Then when Noelani was born it was as if my ability to love doubled.  When you came along and I learned you had Down syndrome, I realised that my capacity to love was infinite.  I felt like I had a lot more love to give and in that moment I even wanted to foster or adopt more children.  But daddy thought I was a little crazy and three was enough for us. 

After you were born I cried non-stop for a couple of days.  I had two thoughts running through my mind.  Firstly I was sad because I thought people would only see your disability, whereas all I saw was my beautiful baby.  And then my second thought was you were going to live with us forever!  The funny thing is now I can’t ever imagine you moving out.  But hopefully you will become independent and have lots of adventures when that time comes.

In the beginning you had go to the special care nursery as you wouldn’t wake up and you needed help with feeding.  I couldn’t sleep that first night so I went to visit you for a cuddle.  You opened your eyes for the first time and looked up at me.   I felt like you recognised me and I was meant to be your mummy.  I felt overwhelmed with a desire to love and protect you and help you reach your potential, whatever that would be.

One time Grandma saw me cuddling you and she said Grandpa was right.  He had told her that when you looked at me you would stare at me, as if you already knew me before you were born.  And I think we did know each other too. 

When I started learning key word sign, every night I put you to bed I would say and sign ‘I love you’.  One day you finally signed “I love …” and pointed to your teddy and laughed.  Each night you would point to the wall, or your foot, or your blanket, but not me.  Now you are starting to say a few words.  The other night you looked at me intently, smiled and said “I love … daddy” and laughed.  Even though you don’t say it, I know you do!  And the reason why I keep saying it, is because no matter what I want you to know that your mummy will always love you.

Love Mummy.